Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Rainy Day's

Rain has a funny way of messing with our heads. Not only is it not convenient when you have places to go but it's dismal and has a sedating affect.  Today was a really rainy day so I just assumed it would be a day full of gloom and sadness. 

We started out the morning by visiting one of our favorite Pediatrician's, Dr. Kaloji. She confirmed that Reese did in fact have a severe case of Coxsackie Virus or better known as Hand/Foot/Mouth disease. I will spare you from pictures but lets just say it isn't pretty. Thankfully, I believe it bothers me more than it does Reese. Other than being a little fussy, loss of appetite, and extra sleepy, she hasn't been affected too much by this virus. Now, we just have to let it run it's course and hopefully we will see some improvement in the new few days. 

So, after calling my OB's office to let them know about Reese's virus, they had me come in to get some blood work done to see specifically what I have been exposed to. During that quick lab visit, I missed a very important call. A call I've been waiting to get since the day I had my blood drawn last. The geneticist from Maternal Fetal Medicine was calling to give us our results. 

Of course, it's still pouring down the rain, but thankfully for blue tooth I didn't have to use my hands to call her back. She started the conversation by saying, "I've got good news for you." (in my mind,  "Thank you sweet Jesus!") The tests came back negative. They show a normal blood count, chromosome count and you have a 99% chance that you will not have a baby with Trisomy 21, 99% chance that the baby will not have Trisomy 18, and a 92% chance that the baby will not have Trisomy 13." 

I know in my heart that this baby is healthy but to be able to hear it confirmed by this cutting edge, technically advanced test was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I just can't thank God enough for hearing our prayers, your prayers, every one's prayers. There is such power in prayer and claiming certain things in Jesus name.   Although we would have been fine with whatever the results, we have a desire to experience what most people experience and that is a 100% healthy child. We feel like we have so much to learn and do for both our girls that it would be nice to have a child that won't have those same needs. Each child, no matter what, will face their challenges, their struggles, will have strengths and weaknesses- I understand that. However, I just don't know if we could emotionally handle one more surprise, one more diagnosis, or one more close call. That is me being completely honest and real. 

People say to me all the time you are an amazing mom or they say I'm not sure I could do what you do. Well there are certainly days where I don't feel like an amazing mom or I question whether or not I can handle the responsibilities given to me. I certainly have my rainy days where gloom and sadness suffocate me. Where I feel sorry for my situation and wonder why God chose me to raise two special needs children. Then I think back to the days where I would be alone in prayer and just beg the Lord to let me one day be a parent.  To feel the unconditional love of a child and love them unconditionally in return. Then the clouds start to disappear and I see the sun peaking through. I know I'm not alone and because I alone could not be the type of parent I need to be. It's only by God's grace and His strength that I'm able to get by, one day at a time , one challenge at a time. Parenthood is serious business, it has it's ups and downs but we all do the best with what we have and pray that God fills in the gaps and picks up the dropped pieces and puts them back.  Knowing that allows me to face these rainy days because he always offers a glimpse of sunshine in the midst of it. 

Thank you Lord for my glimpse of sunshine today...Praise you for hearing our prayers and our hearts desire. We pray for continued health and development for little "buddy" and are looking forward to the day he/she joins our imperfect but loving family! Amen

1 comment:

  1. Wow-loved this!!!! Thanks for sharing your heart. And Praise God for an terrific news!!!